Leaving Toxic Relationships Behind

screaminggirlHave you ever been with a person or persons only to find yourself thinking the whole time … WHY AM I EVEN HERE? I FEEL ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE!

I’ve recently been going back and forth in my conscience mind about the fact that I need to let go of some relationships in my life. Not seeing them, calling them, or contacting them, at all. These thoughts even include family members. It feels awful to me to think about letting them go. On the other hand, it feels awful to be around these people too. They no longer seem to fit with my thought process of how I want to live my life now.

The word I need to use to describe how I feel when I am around these individuals is TOXIC.

I begin to yawn and feel very tired and sleepy. I get easily irritated by their comments and behaviors. I feel a tense sensation all over my body. I feel miserable, and around the very worst of these people I begin to cough, as if to release the toxins that seem to seep into my body.

I begin to feel a little lonely, thinking I won’t be able to see these individuals anymore. After all, I do consider some of these people friends, and family members are not exempt from this situation.

I begin to feel guilty thinking about the need to just stop seeing these people. I just can’t stop seeing them, can I?

I was actually finding myself wishing I could just move out of state and therefore I’d have a reason not to see them ever again.

At this point is when I began to hear the angels. They said, “ A toxic environment does not mean one particular thing. A toxic environment in your energy field can come from family, friend or foe. A toxic environment needs to move through quickly… they went on to describe a subway system. “When you’re in the environment of a toxic situation, you’re on the subway, doors open, people come off, new people get on. You move forward on a steady straight line and then the train stops. You have arrived at your destination, the door opens, you get off, and new people get on”. They said, it’s at this point that your vibration level is the most important thing within the human body. It’s at this point that I began to see the metaphorical picture. You’re vibrating at a level within that subway system, and if you change your vibration level you need to step off and get away from these peoples energy.

It seems that if you step off, someone else will step on. They now take your place.

You are now free to relax in your own energetic system where new people will come to reside. This is where you and your body will begin to feel better again. But then, there may be a time when you feel the need to step on to that vibrational level where you thought it was uncomfortable, perhaps something has changed, and you think you are now more able to tolerate the situation. And just as fast as you stepped on, you feel as if you need to step off once again. Again and again this seems to happen in my life.

You need to pay attention to your vibrating energy in order to manifest anything new in your life, otherwise you just stay the same. Everything stays the same. Job, marriage, financial status, thought process, it all stays the same. Good or bad it just’s the same. As in the subway system, you are always on the same line or same vibration until you choose to get off and make it the right vibrational level for you at that time.

I’ve learned nothing can change if you stay in the same place.

You raise your vibration level each and every time you do something good for yourself.

I really feel these toxic people around me, because they’re not growing at the same level I am. They really bring me down and I now understand why I feel so miserable. As I said before, family is no exception and sometimes it can be the highest level of toxicity.

The angels said, “the vibration level moving up is the one thing that keeps the grey skies away. The one thing that keeps a happy smile on your face. It’s the one thing that keeps you healthy”. The angels went on to say ‘being involved in a toxic relationship of any kind is not where the heart wants to be. The heart wants to allow all things to go their own way. The way they need to’. Whether good or bad, this is what makes a person happy’. I was reminded of all of this yesterday, after an argument I had with my mother. Hence the reasoning behind my thoughts to invoke the angels and this article.

The angels reminded me, it’s at this point that I have to determine and decipher for myself what is a toxic relationship. They asked me what it was that was making me so unhappy when I was around these people. They asked hard questions that were designed to get me to feel. They asked me why I was not smiling when I was around these people. They asked me to look at what was actually putting stress on my body while being around these people. They asked me to look at why I was so irritated by what these people would talk about. As I looked at all the circumstances that showed up and how I felt in their presence, I was able to answer the angels questions. Most of what came was that I didn’t want to be around negative aspects anymore. I was being led to realize I changed my way of living while I was working on healing myself. My thoughts and behaviors are no longer focused on what’s wrong, but rather on the positivity of any subject.

I find I am no longer speaking or engaging in life as these people do. This doesn’t mean these people are bad.

It’s really only about my thought process and the way I feel. And then I heard the angels say–“It’s time for you to choose to move away”. Whether that means I move physically away like I was thinking, moving out of state, or kind of like what I did when my husband and I moved away from where we lived two years ago. We just packed up and moved. We didn’t tell many people at all where we were going. Not even family members. We moved to benefit ourselves. We moved to make ourselves feel better. Now, I may not have to be that aggressive. It could just mean banishing them from my mind. Never to think about them again. The angels reminded me any of these ways would work to remove myself from a toxic relationship.

Now, I just needed to come up with the courage to do what I intended to get myself happy again.

The angels had confirmed all of what I was thinking. This was the same old story going around in my head or perhaps even yours. Those words playing over and over like, ‘I know I have to move myself away from … {you put in the name here} ……. ‘ In my case it happens to be my mother that triggered these thoughts. We have never really ever gotten along for any length of time and I’ve always thought differently. The term black sheep of the family comes to mind. We always end up fighting for whatever reason. And, I’m not really ever on that metaphoric subway with them for any length of time.

So why do I do it? Why do I put myself in this spot over and over again only to become or feel miserable?

It’s not just family members. There are others that are not on my vibrational level as well.

Every time I’m around them, whether family, friends or acquaintances, I find myself spending more time thinking about what they are saying and how bad it feels to listen, rather than engaging. Whether it’s negative talk or just what they are interested in, it really doesn’t matter. I’m not enjoying myself and it feels miserable.

It’s at this point the thought comes in, “it’s time to make a change“. At that moment when you’re in the midst of the bad feelings is when you seem to have the most courage to make your change. As I am driving away I find myself saying I won’t do that again! I have the feeling in me at that moment, and it’s hitting hard with my heart, and I feel miserable. I feel it deep inside. I realize I just don’t want that type of feeling anymore. I realize it’s been this way with these people for a long time. It’s at this point I have the courage to just cut my ties. But then, after a few days have gone by, I begin to feel guilty. Especially when it comes to family. The thought enters my mind that it’s family. Family sticks together through thick and thin, right? After all, this saying is as old as God isn’t it? But then, I feel my heart ache, and I think about how I am no longer like them. Whether it’s family, friends or acquaintances, it really doesn’t matter. You have to live with yourself, not them. If you don’t feel good when you’re around them, then you just don’t feel good. A title such as ‘husband’, ‘wife’, ‘mother’, ‘friend’ or ‘acquaintance’, really shouldn’t matter if it all falls into the category of you feeling miserable. These feelings left in the body for any length of time lead to illness, no matter what.

If you’re not getting along with your husband, is that a reason to stay with him? Some would say ‘yes’ , ‘do what ever it takes, ‘you need to to fix the situation’, ‘work it out’. I learned the hard way it’s not. After a failed 21 year marriage and attempt after attempt to work things out, it still ended in divorce. I just couldn’t do it anymore. My heart just hurt to much and I needed to come clean with myself and my thoughts. It was time to move on. I needed to build my life the way I was seeing it. After all, I am an individual. I am not created like anyone else on this planet. While living in my failed marriage, I found myself at a point to have the courage to move on. I could no longer ignore the feelings of misery in myself. After many developing illnesses and a lot of heart ache, with my angel guides help, I was finally able to move on.

As in every situation, there may be a few individuals that you like being around. Perhaps you’re not bothered by all of your family members, just one or a few. Don’t let that sway you from moving from that one person that makes you miserable. It’s possible you may need to take them in very small time frames. If I don’t do this, I find it will be impossible to manage my heartache.

While you’re around people or situations, start out by noticing how long it takes for your muscles to tense up. Now, focus on what’s making you feel bad. Is it the conversation? It is what certain people or all the people are doing at the event you’re at? How are they behaving?

What they are saying is totally up to them. After all, it is a free world we live in, but how it impacts you, is when you make the decision to take yourself out of the surroundings. You don’t have to say anything to them, because actually they have every right to think and act the way they want to. But, you have every right not to engage as well. It’s at this point where you may have the courage as I have to release your pain and suffering, giving yourself the courage to say ‘no more’. No more, to this type of person. No more, to the negativity that grates at you so much. No more, to whatever the circumstances happen to be.

I now have the courage and I AM moving on. I wish them a silent “hope you are happy in your life” and move on.

At this point I would talk myself into moving out of the relationship, (yeah for me!) and in a matter of seconds, days, weeks, or months, is when I would catch myself moving out of the movement I knew I needed to take and into the same old, same old. At this point heartache would set in once again, and in my case a lot of illnesses started to show up, all because I didn’t have the courage to just walk away for good.

And, here I am again with NO COURAGE to make a difference in my life. But, this is why my angels are speaking to me. They always feel free to tell me where I need to go in order to make myself happy. They have the right to do this, because I am asking for their help to make life changes. The problem is, that I am the one that needs to take the action steps.

Of course, I won’t step completely away from my mother, after all she is my mother, but perhaps I’ll take her in small or smaller doses. I have moved away from a lot of people and circumstances in my life. If I look back and be honest with myself, some have taken years and others have taken just a few short minutes, hours, days, or weeks. And now, It seems, that I may need to move a bit further metaphorically speaking, because I actually ended up living closer to my mother when my husband and I made that physical move a couple of years ago. How ironic is that. But then, there is the fact that I can choose to be around her or not.

What is your choice?

Ask your angel guides to make it clear to you who might be toxic in your life. Ask your guides, or Goddess Kali and Archangel Michael to narrow it down a bit, as these two specifically work on protecting, giving courage, and helping you walk through your fear, in order to help you move to your new metaphoric subway line.

Be anxious to meet your new vibrational matched friends, family and foes.

Be open to the guidance and opportunities that show up when you implement all of this change.

And for even more ease, you may want to add Bach Flower Essences, Walnut (for change and ease of transition), Impatiens (for patience) because we always know most change does not happen in our thoughts time frame, Larch (for confidence), Pine (to overcome guilt feelings) and Honeysuckle (to help you mourn the loss of who and what you are leaving behind).

If you have no idea what flower essences are or how to use them, I am here to help you.

Maybe one day soon I will see you on my subway line I am frequenting.

Much love to you on your journey and may you find yourself swiftly moving whomever you need from your life too.

About Kelli Spencer

From the start of my business years ago working as a psychic medium, my mission statement has always been to work with the body, the complete body, Body, Mind, and Spirit working as a whole. “Wholistic” Healing from the inside out. With this premise always in mind, I am also a trained Shaman practitioner working with spirit, I am a Vibrational “life” Coach with a 4 step program using my intuitive abilities, as well as being a trained Bach Flower Essence practitioner working with the mind. As a trained and certified Natural Health Professional, with most emphasis on nutrition, I assist clients in seeking the cause of what may be happening to ones body that prevents it from being balanced. While working with this mission statement, the body’s vibration level moves into health and happiness, and through psychic mediumship you are shown divine guidance, it is only then that the true essence of you is revealed.

Learn more about and view her article archive.

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Let's Discuss!

  1. Kelli, thank you for a wonderful article and lots to think about in terms of our relationships here and how to best handle them. In light of perceived allegiance to family members in our lifetimes, I try to remember that before coming here we agreed to play out roles with some who we may not be close to in a soulful sense, but needed the challenge of being with them to work through what we need to. I wish you blessings on trying to decide what is best for your highest good and the highest good of all you connect with in your life.

  2. Nicole says

    Thank you I really needed to read this :)

  3. Kathy, Words from the Moon,
    Thank you for your wisdom about perceived allegiances. I too realise that the people we encounter are with us for the reason of learning or for us to teach. Some do not want to learn however, and at this point is where I choose to move on with the life I have. I believe that I have learned all I need from these people, and I am opting for the free will of life’s choices. I am now allowing myself to move on to bigger and better things.

  4. Nicole, I hope you too find your way out of what ever toxic relationships you may have. I have come to the understanding life is way to short to try and make every possibility work, and I am now just moving on. I hope you too find your peace.

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